An Echo in the Darkness by Francine Rivers
Iulius drew close to comfort her. He put his arm around her waist, and she turned toward him. Hadassah watched them leave the room with Marcus, who still cradled Julia close to his heart. After a moment, Hadassah limped to a carved marble bench against the wall and sat down. She was tired after her long vigil. She leaned her head back against the cool stone. She wanted to dance and leap and sing praises, but for now she was content to rest.
Lavinnia entered the bath chamber. “My lady? Are you all right?”
“Just tired, Lavinnia. All is well. I’m fine.”
“Will you eat now, my lady? It’s been three days since you’ve touched food.”
Hadassah would have preferred her bed to food, but she saw the girl’s deep concern and rose, bracing herself with her walking stick. “The time for fasting is over.”
Lavinnia smiled brightly. “I will tell the cook.”
“Speak with Iulius first, Lavinnia. Lady Phoebe will be hungry as well.”
“Yes, my lady,” she said, bowing in respect and then leaving quickly.
Hadassah wished she could leave the villa and avoid seeing Marcus again, but she was a slave again, belonging to this household. She was no longer free to come and go as Azar or Rapha had been.
She rose and limped down the corridor and entered the peristyle. Her leg ached, and she sat in the small alcove to rest and try to think. The morning sun warmed the courtyard and she had always liked the soothing sound of the fountain. She saw Lavinnia and another servant carrying trays up the stairs. The house was quiet, a peaceful quiet unlike that of the past weeks. The shadows were gone, the darkness lifted.
She remembered something her father had said long ago: The last shall be first, and the first last. Julia was with the Lord while she had to wait. She closed her eyes in thanksgiving.
God is merciful. Julia’s redemption was proof of that, and Hadassah felt that her purpose here was now fulfilled, her work finished.
If only she could die right now and be with the Lord as well. She was tired, her body hurt, and her heart ached.
What do I do now, Lord? Where do I go from here?
She heard firm footsteps on the upper corridor and wanted to rise and run away. Her heart beat wildly and then calmed again as she saw it was Iulius, not Marcus, who came down the steps and crossed the peristyle to her.
“Lady Phoebe wishes you to join her.”
Hadassah rose and followed.
Iulius glanced back at her as he reached the steps. Every step she took bespoke her weariness. “I will carry you,” he said. As he lifted her, he heard her soft catch of pain.
Phoebe was sitting in the thronelike chair on her balcony. The couch used by friends who had come to visit was near her, a table set between was laden with food and wine. Iulius lowered Hadassah to her feet and left.
Phoebe smiled up at her. “Please sit down, Hadassah. You look far beyond exhaustion.”
Hadassah sat, back straight, head slightly bowed, hands folded loosely in her lap. She felt light-headed from her fast and clenched her teeth against the pain shooting up her thigh into her hip.
“You have been a good and faithful servant,” Phoebe said. She smiled, her eyes glowing with warmth. “Long ago, in Rome, I entrusted my daughter to you. I asked you to watch over and care for her. I asked that you stand by her in all circumstances. You have done more than that, Hadassah. Despite everything Julia did to you and to herself, you remained her friend.” Her eyes welled with tears. “I thank God for bringing you into our lives and shall continue to do so every day until I leave this earth.”
Hadassah lowered her head, overwhelmed by such praise and promise. “It was the Lord, my lady, not I.” Ah yes. You, Lord.
“I would ask one more thing of you, Hadassah, but know it is not my place to do so,” she said tremulously. “It is just as you encouraged me months ago when you came here with the physician. I have learned to trust in the Lord in all things.” Whatever God willed for Marcus would come to be. It wasn’t for a mother to interfere with God’s plan by attempting to arrange things in her own strength. She could only do what she knew should have been done long ago and then pray for that which her heart desired. She could hope.
“As you have given to us, so I give to you,” Phoebe said and held out a small scroll. Hadassah took it with trembling fingers.
“A document of manumission, Hadassah. You are free. You may stay or you may go, as you wish.”
Hadassah couldn’t speak. Emotion filled her, but it was not elation. Rather, she was overwhelmed with sadness. Perhaps this, then, was God’s answer. She was free to leave the Valerians, free to go back to Alexander and travel with him, free to study herbs and cures on the frontier.
Phoebe saw how Hadassah sat, head down, her small hand clutching the document in her lap. Her heart sank. “It is my hope you will stay,” she said softly, “but I know whatever you do, you will do according to the will of God.”
“Thank you, my lady.”
“You must be as hungry as I,” Phoebe said briskly, blinking back tears. She broke bread and handed half to her.
Hadassah dipped the bread in the wine Phoebe poured for her. She held the veils out slightly so she could eat without revealing her face.
They dined in companionable silence.
“Marcus would join us, but he’s decided to make all the arrangements for Julia’s burial himself,” Phoebe said.
“I will prepare her body, my lady.”
“No need, my dear. It’s already being done. Iulius and Lavinnia are seeing to it,” Phoebe said. “You must rest. Your work is done, Hadassah. Julia is with the Lord.” She held her hand out slightly. “Please, be at ease here with me. Stretch out upon the couch as you would if you were visiting a friend. I consider you one.” And even more so, Phoebe’s heart said. I consider you my daughter. “It would please me if you stayed awhile.” O Lord, let her remain forever.
Hadassah obeyed and reclined, releasing her breath in relief as the strain left her bad leg. Replete, she fought sleep and tried to listen to Phoebe speak of Julia as a child. Her eyes felt heavy.
“It has been a long, hard time,” Phoebe said. She rose and pinched off pieces of bread to put on the wall for the turtledoves. A small bird lighted a few feet away and hopped closer. It had the plain plumage of a female sparrow. Charmed, Phoebe held out her hand, but the bird took flight, perching on the flowering vine some distance away.
Phoebe wondered if Hadassah would do the same thing—take flight. She glanced back at the young woman lying on the couch. She was so still and relaxed, Phoebe knew she was asleep. She smiled and came to her, bending down to kiss her brow through the veils. I have given up one daughter to you, Father. I pray you will let this one remain.
Hearing Marcus’ footsteps, she straightened. As he entered the room, she saw his face and intent and raised her hand quickly to her lips for silence, then joined him beneath the arch. She took his arm, turning him back into the bedchamber.
“I want to speak with her.”
“Let her sleep for now, Marcus.”
“I can’t wait!”
“She is past endurance. Lavinnia said she’s fasted since Julia fell into a coma, and you know very well how many hours she has sat at Julia’s side.”
“I will speak to her.”
“Later. Not now when you’re tired and angry.”
He let out his breath, seeing sense in what she said. “Why didn’t she tell me, Mother?” he said, deeply hurt. “She’s been here for months. I’ve sat with her in the alcove. She had every opportunity to tell me who she was. Why did she keep silent?”
“She must’ve felt the need to hide herself from you or she wouldn’t have done so.”
“Did she think I was a threat?”
“How could she?”
“That Arab servant of hers thought I was. She must think I had some part in sending her to the lions. The plain truth is she didn’t trust me.”
“Had she reason?”
?
“And left her in anger when she refused,” Phoebe reminded him gently.
“I’m not the shallow boy I once was.”
“Then cease acting like one, Marcus,” Phoebe said more firmly. “Put her needs before your own.”
Marcus raked his hand back through his hair and turned away in frustration. He thought of the look of cold contempt on Rashid’s face. He remembered Alexander’s every word about the months she had suffered because of wounds caused by her master. Both had been convinced that he was part of what had happened to her. Where else would they have gotten such an impression but from Hadassah? “She must think I wanted her dead as much as Julia did.”
“Perhaps it’s something less complicated than that. Something far too human.”
“What?”
“I don’t know, Marcus. It was just a thought.” She saw the strain of emotion he was under. “Do you remember when Hadassah first came to us? She was a pathetic, skinny little thing with eyes too big for her face and her hair growing back in tatters. You said she was ugly, and your father and Julia shared the same opinion. I didn’t know what it was about her then that made me so sure she was right for Julia. I just knew. Now I know God works in our lives even before we believe. He sets his plan in motion and fulfills it in his time.”
She approached her son and put a comforting hand on his arm. “I believed her about Jesus, Marcus. Your father believed at the end. You went to curse God for taking her life and returned praising him. And Julia, our rebellious, beloved Julia, stubborn to the last moment, is now with the Lord. Each one of us has come to know Christ because we saw him at work in Hadassah’s life. She was God’s gift to us.”
“I know that, Mother.” Even when he had thought she was dead, Hadassah had been the very air he breathed. “I love her,” he said hoarsely.
“So do I.” Her hand tightened on his arm. “Because we love her, we will treat her with the same care and sensitivity she has always shown us.” She hesitated, knowing what she had to tell him would come as a surprise. “I’ve granted her freedom.”
Marcus turned abruptly. “In writing?” he said in alarm.
“Of course.”
He glanced at Hadassah and saw the small scroll that had fallen onto the marble tiles. “You had no right, Mother!” he said, angry again, afraid.
“You don’t want her to be free?”
“Not yet.”
Phoebe saw clearly. “Ah, I see. She’s not to be free until she’s answered your questions and agreed to whatever demands you might make of her.”
“You think me so callous?”
“At times, you are very callous,” she said sadly. “I’m sorry if this upsets you. I simply did what I felt led to do, Marcus.”
“That document isn’t worth the parchment on which it’s written,” he said in a tone he had often used in business dealings. “Not unless my signature is on it. Legally, Hadassah is my property, not yours.”
Phoebe had nursed him at her breast and was not daunted. “Your father gave Hadassah to me, and I gave her to Julia. Upon Julia’s passing on to the Lord, I felt justified in believing Hadassah mine again. And I have given her the freedom she deserves. Would you rescind that now? What of her feelings?”
“What if she leaves?”
Phoebe smiled in complete understanding and touched his cheek lightly. “You have two legs, Marcus. There’s nothing to stop you from going after her.”
53
Hadassah awakened in the moonlight, still lying comfortably on Phoebe Valerian’s couch. The air was coolly refreshing, the sky a dark indigo blue with sparkling starlight. “The heavens declare your glory and the skies proclaim the work of your hands . . . ,” she whispered as she looked up. She lifted her veils and smiled, gazing up at the beauty of it in wonder, watching the blue lighten. Dawn was coming.
She rose and held her hands up to the Lord in thanksgiving for Julia and Phoebe, both restored. Then she drew the veils down over her face again. Quietly entering the bedchamber, she saw a small brass oil lamp burning on a table. Phoebe was asleep.
Hadassah left the room. She limped along the upper corridor and entered Julia’s chamber. Julia’s bed had been removed and the room scrubbed clean. Except for her own bed, which remained by the wall, the few possessions she had brought with her, and a table on which was a basin and pitcher of water, the room was empty.
Feeling rumpled, Hadassah removed her veils and dark palus. She poured water into a basin and washed, then chose a blue palus to wear, covering her face with the matching veils. She went out onto the balcony to watch the sunrise.
“Your work is done,” Phoebe had said, and Hadassah knew she had no reason to stay. Yet her heart broke at the very thought of leaving. And staying would be worse, infinitely worse.
“She’s ugly,” Marcus had said so long ago in the garden of the Rome villa. It was the first time she had seen him, the first words she had heard him utter. “She’s ugly.” If he had thought her ugly then, what would he think now, scarred as she was, mauled and torn by a lion of Rome?
What would others think if they were to see someone like her standing beside Marcus Lucianus Valerian?
Bowing her head, she struggled with her feelings. If she didn’t do what she knew she must, she would waver, and worse heartache would happen. Turning away, Hadassah went through the archway into Julia’s room. Without stopping, she passed through to the corridor above the peristyle. She went down the steps and out the front door.
It was a long distance to Alexander, but she needed time to settle her mind and put all those things that might have been with Marcus behind her. Her father had often said to commit her work to the Lord. She was trying hard to do just that.
A man she didn’t know answered her knock. “May I speak with Alexander Democedes Amandinus, please?”
The door was drawn back abruptly, and she saw Rashid. “My lady!” he said and shouted for Alexander. “Rapha has returned, my lord!” He caught her up in his arms.
Alexander came running. “You walked all the way?” he said, taking her from Rashid’s arms and striding into the courtyard, where he placed her on a comfortable couch. “Why didn’t you send word to me or come by litter?”
“I didn’t think of it,” she said dully, her head against his shoulder. “I just wanted to get away as quickly as possible.”
“You see that I was right,” Rashid said darkly, glaring at Alexander.
“Bring her some wine,” Alexander said. “We’ll talk of what is to be done later.”
“Who was the man who answered the door?” Hadassah said.
“Someone I picked up on the temple steps a few weeks ago,” Alexander smiled, sweeping the veils from her face so he could see if she was all right. His smile dimmed. “You’ve been crying.”
She put her hand on his arm. “It’s all right now. It’s finished, Alexander,” she said, eyes alight. “Julia has passed on. She accepted Christ at the end.”
He smiled wryly. “I will be glad if you are glad.”
“I am. She is with the Lord.”
Rashid handed her a goblet. “She has received justice. She is dead, and there it ends.”
Hadassah glanced up at him.
“A woman who ate and drank her fill of blood and lived a life of depravity will not receive reward,” he said with certainty.
“She repented.”
“A convenient repentance at the end does not alter her fate.”
“Not convenient, Rashid, heartfelt.”
“And you think that makes a difference to God who takes vengeance?” he said coldly, eyes black and glittering. “Has he not done it before? As long as they obeyed, God blessed them. Sons of Abraham.” His mouth twisted. “Look to Zion. Jerusalem was crushed for its iniquity. It is no more. Just as the Valerian is no more.”
Hadassah looked at him and saw what he was: a child of wrath. “She repented, Rashid. She proclaimed her faith in Christ. She is saved.”
“Yes,” she said simply.
“I think not. God is a God of justice.”
“Oh, Rashid, if God were only just, we would all perish, down to the last human being on the face of the earth. Don’t you see? Have you not murdered in your heart? I have denied him when he gave me opportunities to proclaim him to others, and I let fear reign. Thanks be to God, he is merciful.”
Rejecting the Good News, the Arab turned away.
“You are back,” Alexander said into the silence and put his hand over hers. “That’s all that’s important.”
Just then, Andronicus entered. “Marcus Lucianus Valerian is here, my lord. He’s asking to see Lady Hadassah.”
Uttering a soft gasp, Hadassah covered her face with the veils.
Alexander rose and stood in front of her. “Tell him to go to Hades.”
“Tell me yourself,” Marcus said, striding into the courtyard. He saw Hadassah rising from the couch. He paused, then spoke quietly. “You left without word.”
Rashid’s hand went to the hilt of his knife, drawing it with a smooth ease of long practice as he moved to stand in Marcus’ path. “And you think to take her back?”
“By rights, she still belongs to my family.” Marcus’ words were more harsh than he had intended.
“My lord, your mother granted me freedom.”
“Where is the document to prove it?”
Alexander and Rashid both looked at her. She shook her head. “I don’t know,” she stammered. “I guess I lost it.”
“Lost it?” Alexander said, astounded. “How could you lose something so important?”
Marcus produced the small scroll from his belt. “She left it lying on the balcony.” He held it out to Hadassah.
Surprised, Rashid stared at the Roman for a beat, as though debating with himself, then, slowly, he stood aside and allowed Marcus to face Hadassah. Alexander was struck by the tender look in Valerian’s eyes.